Friday, April 17, 2009

Broken Dreams

I have my job, I have my health, I have the love of my friends and family, and I know how to keep bad news in perspective, but at the moment none of that matters. When you set your sights on something, it's very disappointing when you don't reach it.

For the past month, my heart has been cast on South Africa. I was accepted into the Fulbright Teacher Exchange Program and placed with an exchange in Sasolburg, South Africa. But just moments ago, my principal came by my room, looked me in the eye and told me that the exchange was a no go. He actually found out early this morning but struggled with how to break the news to me all day and even considered waiting till Monday. It turns out that our school is preparing to lose 30-40 positions over the summer and that this was the first of many difficult conversations my principal is going to have to make. Between the time and cost of processing an exchange teacher, and losing the flexibility of my teaching certificate, the human resource director for the county vetoed my exchange.

At the moment, I'm trying to figure out why this hurts so much. I suppose there's that period of time when you receive bad news that your reaction is purely emotional. At some point, I'll decide to move on and get over myself, but at the moment I am devastated. I've been reading, praying and literally dreaming about South Africa. In a few days I'm sure I'll act like it doesn't bother me and that maybe there's a blessing in all of this. But at the moment is does bother me, and I want to acknowledge what my passion is before I decide to forget it.

Right now I'm going to head home and enjoy a beer as I break the news to my girlfriend. This is probably good news for her, but I know she'll empathize with me and I'll be reminded of all the things I have to be joyous about.

1 comment:

jeff said...

that sucks Chris.... sorry it didn't work out.